Steph would like to share her SECRET with you~

愧疚的心

2009-10-31T18:52:00.000-07:00

爱
你还记得吗记忆的炎夏散落在风中的已蒸发喧哗的都已沙哑
没结果的花未完成的牵挂我们学会许多说法来掩饰不碰的伤疤
因为我会想起你我害怕面对自己我的意志总被寂寞吞食
因为你总会提醒过去总不会过去有种真爱不是我的
假如我不曾爱你我不会失去自己想念的刺钉住我的位置
因为你总会提醒尽管我得到世界有些幸福不是我的
你还记得吗记忆的炎夏我终于没选择的分岔最后又有谁到达

原谅

原谅把你带走的雨天　在突然醒来的黑夜
发现我终于没有　再流泪
原谅被你带走的永远　时钟就快要走到明天
痛会随着时间　好一点
那些日子你会不会舍不得　思念就像关不紧的门
空气里有幸福的灰尘
否则为何闭上眼睛的时候　那么疼
谁都别说　让我一个人躲一躲
你的承诺　我竟没怀疑过
反反覆覆　要不是当初的温柔
毕竟是我爱的人　我能够怪你什么
原谅把你带走的雨天　在渐渐模糊的窗前
每个人最后都要　说再见
原谅被你带走的永远　微笑着容易过一天
也许是我已经　老了一点
否则为何闭上眼睛的时候　又全都想起了
谁都别说　让我一个人躲一躲
你的承诺　我竟没怀疑过
反反覆覆　要不是当初深深爱过
我试着恨你　却想起你的笑容

那又怎么样呢？

你照片還在床頭　卻在你摔上電話之後　看得我心痛
當你後悔傷了我　已褪色的玫瑰卻沒有　恢復成鮮紅
"I love you"你說得太多　而抱歉能代表什麼
你知道我是愛你的　但是那又怎麼樣呢
難道你就可以利用我的捨不得　反覆把我傷得透徹
我知道你是愛我的　但是那又怎麼樣呢
難道我就該對你無止盡的寬赦　任你把愛情變成負荷

只能说我真的冻得太迟！！！对不起。。。

复杂的心

2009-10-31T18:28:00.000-07:00

为什么天总是这样作弄我们？
是您在考验我们？还是。。
总是在不对的时间做对的事。。
我真的好累，您感觉到我得累吗？
当您感觉到的时候，希望您会被我们的爱感动。。。
别在作弄我们了。。。

害怕恐惧的心

2009-10-28T17:05:00.000-07:00

什么时候开始，慧蓉变得那么脆弱，他好像不能再作他自己的女强人了。。。
什么时候开始，眼泪变成了发泄的武器。。。
也只有这样，他能好过一点。。。
害怕恐惧，他的心好空。。。
努力的告诉自己会没事，而他，真得好怕。。。
怕一些。。。

一定要幸福。。。

2009-10-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

这世上，最开心的不是你有多美，你有多有钱，你有多名牌，你的地位有多高，你的考试有多好。。。
而是，你能给人家多少爱，你能让人家多爱你。。。

最可悲的是：你有多少个最熟悉的陌生人。。。我有四个，该很恐怖吧。。。

过去了就让他过去吧，我会每天chant给我身边的每一个人都幸福。。。

2009-10-28T01:32:00.000-07:00

timetable for next couple weeks

4th Nov : clinic
9th Nov : LING test
11th Nov: clinic
17th Nov: HUBS test
18th Nov: SPTH test + clinic
23rd Nov: viva test
25th Nov: clinic
2nd Dec: clinic
9th Dec: clinic
11th Dec: home sweet home
january: portfolio due

yeah!!wonder how to get through this??? can i do it ???doubt...

mentally + physically drained!

2009-10-28T01:25:00.000-07:00

dreamt whole night, woke up late, rushed for clinic, rushed for 9.15+ 10am clients, glad it went well, was mentally n physically drained, remembered to wish you, did some stuff, had lunch, kept doing, prepared for session agn but was seriously exhausted, so didnt go well, rushed for nxt week material, slept on the bus, reached home, slacking now...
a busy day, however, felt so lonely...
wanted to express myself, wanted to chat with someone, wanted to go home, wanted to take a break, i need somehow smtg...

爱

2009-10-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

永远的遗憾

钱与爱: 钱
钱能带给你什么？钱只有一时的满足，钱能给你外表的快乐，短暂的满足。。

如果你问我爱的定义是什么，也许此刻的我能回答这问题。。。
嗯。。。爱的伟大

后悔的心

change~

2009-10-24T16:38:00.000-07:00

从今以后，会是新的开始, 好的开始。。。
昨天以前，我错的彻底。。。
从现在开始，我决定我要改，一定会改。。
我说过，我一定要变得更漂亮，是内心的漂亮，我一定可以做到。。。
昨天以前，我总是说，改变，什么是改变？如果这么容易改，人就没那么辛苦了。。。
对，一点也没错，可是，ntg is impossible,everything is possible...
嗯，其实，我也很清楚自己的问题，自己的mistake,我也知道如果我在这样下去，我的生活不会好过到哪里去，我也许会很有钱，可是却不快乐，我也许会让人家很羡慕，可是却很空虚。。。
我的生活会只有我，没有别人。。。
我知道，我的性格在这样便下去，我一定会走回我家庭的路。。。可是，我不要。。。
昨晚，跟一位朋友好好谈了一下，他有着和我相似的问题，也许比我严重，可是，从他身上，我看到什么是原谅，什么是放下，什么是面对，什么是改变。。。我也跟他说，我做不到，我真得做不到。。可是，人家怎么做到？他面对的是一个伤害她的爸爸，而我，我要怨什么，我该怨什么？这世上没人欠我的，没人需要给我爱的，没人需要对我负责任的。。我指会怨人家给我多少，而我，给人家多少？我不感恩，我不会看人家好的一面，我就活在我的世界，对，我真的就是这样。。。我觉得很错，可是却不敢面对，一直觉得这就是我，就算姐姐训了我，又怎样，我还是不踏出那一步。。。每天反复同样的问题，根本不曾反省，不曾改过。。
嗯，现在，我决定，我会改，我会活出更好的自己。。。
我不想再面对反复同样的问题了，我累了，我是时候改了。。。
我又怎么改？说，是没有用。。。所以，thx cherlyn, i have decided to give it a go, before this , i was hesitating abt smtg, i scare he wont accept me, i scare my family wont support me, but now, i have decided to give it a go, i know if i do change, if i becomes better, if i learn ....ppl will agree with me, ppl will support me...n i think , i got to accept myself first in order for ppl to accept me..so i have decided to give it a go, from today onwards...i will never never forget...thank you so much...

i will chant everyday,
i will chant to my family, i will chant to you, i will chant to all my friends, i will chant to those i couldn't get along with,i will chant to myself, i want to change my life, i want to change my bad character, my bad behavior... i will chant for the world ...

looking forward to see a better huirong...
my lesson for this month:
1. i would never never judge ppl by their value, their status,by their superficialness...
2. i would never never ask from ppl, but GIVE...
3. through chanting, 我要到达每一个人的佛届。。
4. everyone has the potential to success, everyone will success, everyone will live peacefully, happily even without money...
5. learn how to care about human...
6. APPRECIATE every single second n every single things...

APPRECAITE & GIVE

looking for happiness

2009-10-23T19:23:00.000-07:00

have been throwing my temper for the past few days...
it's time to reflect myself again..
final is coming n heaps of stuff are waiting for me
i feel so sick of my uni work + clinic stuff
need a break badly
have been thinking how to continue for the next 2 yrs
how? how? n how?
did i regret to choose such a tough pathway?
i dunno, maybe...
now i just want to have a very simple + happy life...
i regret...

u know..

2009-10-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

=
friends are fully support you no matter you kill people or not...
enemies are waving at you when you are drowning in the sea and yelling at them...
some people are smiling at you yet scolding you are a fxxking bitch....

this is a real world...juz learn how to be fake, how to be selfish, and how to be a bastard...yeah...

emotional~~

2009-10-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

no matter what,
i will get through..
calm down n think deeply,
thing doesnt as bad as I think...
yeah, huirong, you will be fine...
dont blame ppl ...
it's not their duty to behave like you ...
juz do watever u feel like doing...
n ignore those you dont feel like doing...
yeah, you will be fine...
n try to forget , forget , n forgive..

I M SORRY

2009-06-22T17:23:00.000-07:00

recently,
i have been making 2 big mistakes
which i cant accept
how stp i have become?
gonna find out the answer

sorry for you guys
i hope i will never never do this kinda mistake forever

~SLACKING~

2009-06-22T17:20:00.000-07:00

another 3 hours, i will be sitting in the exam hall
yet, i m still slacking in fb, blog, n etc
how come?
I have no idea!
didnt even spend an hour seriously to do my revision
m i really confident enough?
hopefully
so after blogging,
wat should i do?
blank agn
................

I LOVE MY DAD

2009-06-22T17:17:00.000-07:00

I m the happiest daughter in the world currently

N i will never thought of my dream will come true one day

There you go..

It;s really happen

Thx god n my family

MISSING HEART

2009-06-12T01:22:00.000-07:00

RECENTLY

I MISS YOU

I DREAMT OF YOU

I WISH

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WITH ME

~NOTHING GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU~

CHICKEN RICE

2009-06-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

Oh ya
forget to share
feel so warm to have chicken rice as my dinner
really miss it for so long
oi yin really is a good wife + mum in the future
so guys
dont miss it

hungry till forget to take picture for the dinner
cant share
anyway, i have learned
i know how to cook it already
hoho

~ENDING~

2009-06-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

This is a SUPER SUPER big news to spread~

hoohoo~ read carefully yo!

i m the SUPER happiest girl in the world now!
guess what?!
hehe, juz polished up my last assignment 2 mins ago...
really merdeka d
the last one was really a hard one,
used up all the juice in my brain
finally, in my 0% effort, i finished..
no more tired, confused and cold
wat a wonderful thing happen in my life
hehe
i m just tired with all the work for few months
speech is a hard one
too much info to squeeze in
my brain is not going to function anymore
particularly at end of the sem

clean up my mess!
study for 2 more finals
going to travel a while
come back
keep preparing for next sem
clinical started
no more enjoying
that;s wat my brain tell me now
ok la
got to stop here
n see wat to do later
night..zzz

an amazing one!

2009-06-03T02:43:00.000-07:00

ve'been quite long didnt update my blog d
must be something happy to share with you guys agn
ve'been busy for assignments n everything for the past 2 months
a very typical uni life...
a very tough pathway ..
another 2 n a half yr
how do i survive with this kinda life?
ve' been loosing motivation in the past 2 days
ve' been falling sick in the past 2 days
another 2 assignments, 1 quiz, i viva test havent done yet
crap!
how?
trying to gain some motivation from you but end up u brought me a joke
i laughed n then slept
that's it
the next day
god bring something to me some motivation n confident
(got excellent score in my assgns)
they re all out of my expectation
wat an amazing present !
an incentive for me to keep moving
no lay back anymore
yeah! keep sticking at them to the end of the day!

cant wait to share with you n sisters!

~I like packing up~

2009-05-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

phew~
finally finish 3 assignments that gotta hand in tmr
have been so busy for a while
never updated here for quite a long time

i like the feeling of packing
everytime when i was doing assignment
the table n the room + the laptop file will be very messy
n i was keep persuading myself
that' ok

i like now
i wait this min for so long d
i can pack up agn !
pack pack pack
hehe
may be should make it more messy
then i would be more enjoy in it

actually i do have plenty of assignments due in the nxt few weeks
think got 7 more , not sure
back pain , sore throat , feel heaty
really sacrifice so much of my sleeping time
pity me!

recently enjoying in assignment,
wat else?
yaya
feel happy to have meal together with housemate
sometimes ppl will cook for me
sometimes i will cook for ppl
everyone concerns n takes care of each other
i appreciate
is pretty hard to find truth friends
i know i m so lucky to meet u guys here
thx for caring me when i m busy
we gotta keep going
yeah~

wat else
scolding bf so hard
i know that i sometimes never thought of u as well
i dont know wat's wrong with me n u
but i do know
we re still love each other
so wont think so much anymore
hehe

hmm...
couldnt think of any now
will share with u guys agn may be when i finish nxt 3 or when i finish my final
that will be end of june
hehe

good luck

When I m bored

2009-04-28T07:07:00.001-07:00

I want to be the prettiest princess in your world but not the fairy tale
I want to be the most important person in your world as you are in mine
I want to share every of my things with you as I had last time
I want to tell you how I feel in every single moment

BUT

I am who I am
You are who you are
we are human

I m living in my own world
You re living in your own world
Everyone has their own world

SO

I must be more considerate
I must be more thoughtful
I must be more generous

~NOTHING IS PERFECT
~BUT NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE
IT'S ALL DEPEND ON HOW WE DO

*I m juz bored....hehe

~WISH~

2009-04-28T06:51:00.000-07:00

I always believe:
If there is a will there is a way,
no matter how hard it is,
for then will the road ahead be easier to thread on,
as everyone said:
no sweat no gain.....

I harvest what I sow,
so I am looking forward the beautiful day...

Assignments go 1st!

2009-04-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

Steph has been lazy for so long, haven't really in a study mood since she came back from mly...compare to last sem, I supposed to finish assignments by now. I will force myself to finish everything before travelling, I will light the mid night oil to struggle with it no matter how hard it is. But wat happen now is sleep + play + eat + travel go 1st...I have changed agn! Someone said I m always a "HAPPY GO LUCKY" person ,hopefully I will really go LUCKY.=)
Actually, I have set my mind to join port stephens and hunter valley trip this week, but after sdyney trip on last saturday, I suddenly felt tired + stress and I know if I still dont want to start my assignments, what I can do is packed up and went home! so I decided not to go anyplace anymore... And I need to save money as well cause I have promised dad to save for the NZ trip. So from now onwards, no fun no trip no shopping!
Steph can do it...gambateh

Holiday agn !!

2009-04-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

Horray!!
going to sdyney soon for easter show + shopping...
may be going to port stephens & hunter valley nxt week...
will update when there are photos for me to upload ...

Suprise

2009-04-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

I was so suprised that my b'day was over for one week already but I still received a present from my coursemate!! haha... She thanked me for what I had helped her last year...But I am also appreaciate that she always talked to me...Anyway, I feel so warm ... Thanks

I have changed!

2009-04-02T19:54:00.000-07:00

I have changed ...
I dont like to share my things with ppl anymore
I dont like to concern ppl anymore
I dont like ppl disturb me
I can hide my true character n pretend to talk to those I dont feel like I want to
I hate a word called"unfair" but I know ntg will be fair in this world
I start to keep all my feelings with my own
I always show my temper recently
I always lost control on my food
I spend money without hesitation
I feel like want to scream loudly and stay away from everything!!!
WHAT THE HELL!!

I miss...

2009-03-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

I am here agn to tell you wat I have done today + how I feel now. hehe
I cleaned my room and did my housework for few hours this morning....supposed to clean the kicthen also but everyone went shopping ald so we can just put off to tmr cuz I am lazy to clean alone also...not a surprise, I went to shop too...I felt so guitly after I paid for wat I bought and stunned for few minutes, hehe. It was horrible cuz I was like dont know the economic is so down recently...as edmund said,"I realy go out to save the economy"...haiz, is this a good thing? It is good for everyone but not my dad...anyway, I will stop for 2 months(hopefully), and save a bit on my grocery shopping from nxt week onwards... But 2 housemates b'day coming in the following 2 weeks and Easter break also coming in 2 weeks time...how? I am poor now and in the future.
Today I also did "yao cha guai" for my housemates...cuz they bought the ingredients from sdyney but didnt want to do it since last year...so I sacrifice a bit la. haha But I was quite enjoying in it though it end out not like "yao cha guai " but "dont know wat to call?" My housemate invented a name for it which was chips...As long as it can go into stomach, I didnt care so much cuz the guys in this house are rubbish bin...

Now, I miss the day we "crazy" together, I feel like want to sing k, want to get drunk, want to chitchat &...I just want to be a CRAZY gurl now...

AND I MISS ALL THE DAY ME N YOU SPENT TOGETHER ...MY BRAIN CANT STOP TO RECALL EVERYTHING WE HAD DONE! HOW?

I miss...

AN AWESOME BIRTHDAY

2009-03-26T02:26:00.000-07:00

huiwen + angela

all my b'day cards

by angela(hand-made one, so touching)

bus come faster!

my dearest friend in nc

action aaron

"lenglui" in da house

president + organizer= sim

the only couple in da house (weiman+haeyoung)

yummy yummy

sweet seletion

Ending~

I m so thankful of everyone wishes, no matter via sms, msn, facebook or phone, thanks for sending me a warm gretting, I will always remember...
It was really a special day for me, a day I turned up to be an adult, a day which has made my life more colorful and meaningful...
I loved all the cards with full of warm grettings, I loved the cake with full of sincerity, I loved all the present you all gave n I think I will love the video you have made though I havent seen it.
Thanks, Thanks, and Thanks...
I was so paiseh to be the "b'day girl" actually cuz I felt so unnatural when everyone sang the b'day song for me, looking at me, and asking me to blow the candles, to make my wish n etc...hehe (I m just shy)
I felt so happy when the "whole house ppl" walking together down the street, taking bus together to have dinner, and crazy together to make fun.It was an awesome n unbelievable b'day for me! We had japanese meal in nagisa, after that we walked all the way down the beach to goldderg's coffee house for our sweet selection...everyone was full till wanna puke d...n the bus service is only up to 10 smtg on weekday, and when we finished was already 11smtg, so we had no choice to take taxi ...thanks for the organizer who skipped one hour class to reserve the dinner and plan everything out...thanks for everyone spending lots of money cuz of me...and lastly, I believe we will develop a very strong friendship within each other at the end of the day...
I am glad to have you all as a friend in my life...friendship forever
cheers

~If..~

2009-03-26T02:19:00.000-07:00

If human can eat one meal and last for three days
If my brain can stop functioning when I sleep
If my mind can get rid of all -ve thinking
If there is no distance btw us
If I m 18 forever
If I m smart enough
If I m a super woman

IF AND ONLY IF...

Wishing heart~

2009-03-21T03:44:00.000-07:00

Once I heard "Hero", I will miss you so much and wat I will do is keep repeating and repeating...

Yesterday I went to play basketball with my housemate in the 7.30am , haha.It was unbelievable right? But I did cuz I couldnt sleep well since I reached here. I dreamt the same thing 3 times in 3 weeks. I hate that kind of feeling cuz it was so suffering. So when I came back from basketball, at noon I went to sleep agn, wah!! I didnt dream already, and that was the only comfortably and deeply sleep I never had for so long. I miss it....
But this morning when I moved my body out from the bed, (OH MY GODNESS) it was so painful! So the whole day I walked like a pregnant mummy.lol. But anyway, I make my mind to do more excercises so that I can sleep well at night.
Oh ya, I have decided to go NZ during my june holiday already. Hopefully it will be fun and I wont get drunk. But now I look forward the Easther break cuz I wanna go sdyney. I really need a rest and I want to make my life more colorful. Here is so boring till I dont know if I will regret to spend my 4 yrs here...So, I really hope that you can come here..wish GOD BLESS YOU & ME then.

wishing heart~

Good News

2009-03-16T05:36:00.000-07:00

Horray!!! 3 good news to share with:
1. My dear got an extremely high mark in his biology test~wat a big surprise for me!!!hehe, i never look down at you la, juz bcuz you re too lazy till i cant believe you would spend you "sleeping" time to study...but , u really did a good job, so pls keep going and never never disappoint me agn, ok?
2. My another dear friend went to a new relationship ald!!!huh, I was chatting with her 2 days ago n she told me that she needs sometime to think abt it 1st, but after two days her mind has told her to accept him...hehe. Good for her also cuz i know she doesnt need to torture herself in thinking all those "undefined" questions.So i need to congratulate her and pls share ur hapinees with me so that I wont feel bored.haha
3. It's abt myself- Today I went to find Bernice who is my course coordinator this sem and told her some of my real concerns which irritated me for quite a while d. And her response was surprised me as well and I really need to thank her la. Cuz she helped me to gain some confidence agn. She asked me not to worry too much and she believed i will be fine. Anyway, I still need to work hard and no excuses + laziness in my mind. GOAL:Keep seeking resourses as long as it does help in my work!!!
Arh, tmr need to go clinic agn and it gotta be a whole day observation!!wat a poor thing... But it's a new topic for me to delve in which is stuttering. Last time someone said that I have this problem as well , haha, now i am going to treat patients who have stutteing, can I?Belive in me, pls...I am fully recover.. k la, goin to bed soon...share agn when I am free...

Updated somemore abt myself...

2009-03-14T04:43:00.000-07:00

Another 10 days will be my 21st b'day, hehe...
Wat gift should i give myself for becoming an adult???
Wat aim do I need to achieve in the another 10 yrs?Do I satisfied with my current situation??heheAll useless questions came out from my mind!!!
Cant concentrate on my studies for 2 days d, keep thinking n thinking but ntg came out...
Was planning to be a volunteer caregiver in a multicultural centre but looks like may not have enuf time to study, how??have to go there by bus n pay myself...arh, i am lack of money now...
haiz, still considering abt it.
i applied to be a baby sitter too but looks like no hope d...anyway, study hard is my aim now...
juz now my sister told me my dad gave her rm3400 to do slimming, haiyo....now economic so down she still spent money like water...really cannot tahan her la
but may be i will go nz too, so shouldnt say her la...
today went to the singaporean party felt so sienzzz...wat happen to the ppl here? or i m the one who has problem?sigh~
got to stop here 1st, cuz goin to study now....may be will do other things also , haha

Gonna find out more about ORANGE

2009-03-12T05:51:00.000-07:00

3...2...1...n go !
Yeah, i have created a new blog here to post up all my sweet memories...(hopefully)
I should spend more time on this n shouldnt be sluggish anymore...(hopefully)
Promise, Promise n promise, but i just have no time!!y? y? y?
I just dunno y my life will end up study, but ntg much to fill in ..
I should have more socialize, but i just lazy and rather stay in my nest whole day and face all the "rectangular things"!
Arh, what should i do to solve out all the question marks i meet currently?
Anyway, this is my 1st blog so i should be excited as i have mentioned just now...hehe
Hopefully my second yr uni will be colorful...n i will make it colorful
Wish myself all the best...